Confessions of a Woman, Maryanne Samy, Egypt

12075018_10153191874145334_838854405052820169_nMy first confession
The day: January 17

The year: 2016
It’s 5:16 am my time
I am waking up from a nightmare right now
I haven’t been a good “woman” in society here
I have repelled every social norm, I broke every rule
And I confess now that the worst drawback in my country is … Fear
I am afraid, of everything, almost all the time, I’ve got a lot of phobias, from heights, from closed places…. etc.
I wake up now with a fear of being cheated on by my boyfriend, fear of not being feminine enough or stable enough or smart enough… they have taught me this many times in the past, when I was a little girl, I don’t remember what age exactly, but it was definitely single digits, they taught me that girls are never ever going to be enough, that a man can have 4 wives, and it will still not be enough.
فسبحان الذي سواه من ضوء ومن فحم رخيص نحن سوانا

 

 

My guilty confession
Still the year 2016
11:36 am my time
The sound of my heels walking through some institution
I’m a female, I should work hard to neutralize this -so called in my country- genetic defect
But in a male dominated society.. I don’t really need much of this if I am beautiful
Back to the sound of my heels
People stare inappropriately, others make way, someone stands up to give me his seat
In my country, they teach boys that being a real man means he should have a strong sexual drive
So after several sexual harassments when I was young, I learned to walk in an intimidating, yet such tempting manner, that no one can resist, yet they are afraid to touch
Now I’ve passed the long line, found a seat, finished my papers early because the young unmarried employee wanted to show maximum efficiency while I’m watching
وسبحان الذي يمحو خطاياهُ
ولا يمحو خطايانا

 

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